Discover you have a life threatening organ rebelling against your body.  Have surgery, but realize afterwards you have no way of paying for it even after what “insurance” provides. Take out renter’s insurance. Pile a mountain of shoes in your living room. Light it up, leave, and call the fire department.  When you are arrested tell the fire marshal he is a sexist piece of shit.  It will most likely respond that it is gender neutral and it is offended you would make such an accusation.

Once paroled record a series of videos proclaiming your innocence and the injustice of The State’s laws. Change your name to that of a television presenter from decades prior that only the old will possibly remember. Wear sunglasses all day and night.  Sleep, fuck, and eat with them resting on your nose. Stare so intensely at people you interact with that they either fear you or want to sleep with you.  Convince your sexual partners to masquerade as animals and insert tails into their anus. Leave scratches and bruises on everyone you know.

Ask what can you do to help your fellow humans.  If people tell you to leave them alone say that dignity is best left to the rich. Begin covering your body in tattoos of cartoon characters screwing.  Make your chest a centerpiece with Mickey Mouse blowing Jake the Dog on a banquet table in the middle of a Technicolor orgy.  Lay on a beach chair and tan every day.  

12:00 pm  •  14 August 2012  •  2 notes  •  View comments